So you wanna be A SALON OWNER!! Sound the trumpets! *hears kazoo*
Oh for the love of Pete, can someone sound the trumpets? Where’s my trumpet guy?
* voice from behind front desk* “He quit”
Figures…
Yep…you’re now crowned a ‘Salon owner’
Welcome. Now get to work.
So what’s it like to be a salon owner? Well, it’s fun and it’s boring, it’s a lot like waxing yourself just to see how it feels. I’ve had 11 bosses, and out of all of those mentors I’ve had one stupid boss. A pretty good record I think. I’ve worked for one gay man, another that should’ve been. A married couple, an older woman, one that wasn’t a hairdresser- one that I never met (I called that one Charlie #Charliesangels) Like I said all of them were cool except for 1 *say it with me* stupid boss.
I could write forever on how wonderful they all were except for the *air quotes* stupid boss. I hadn’t really put much thought into how lucky I was to of had these people – but I was. I learned so much, all of it funny. So the next blog of blunder is about Bosses.
BOSS Personalities and Who works for you.
BOSS ONE The Starter Upper
This Boss has just graduated from school and opened up a shop. It’s a shop of dreams for two reasons. One it’s the one they always wanted. The second reason it’s a dream is because they have NO earthly clue as to how a real shop is run because they have never worked in one! This is truly a shop of dreams, either the girls working in this shop will be taking advantage of the fawn in the woods or they will be ready to take that shop to number one.
This shop will have either two outcomes. It will be running amok by childish behavior or the owner will put on big girl panties and learn real fast what does and does not work.
BOSS TWO The Gay Man
This Boss has one moto if you have time to lean you have time to clean. I promise you if he knows you can tap dance he will have you trained to perform on cue. Perfection is what he strives for and he will expect the same from you. You will work whenever he says and if you ever talk about him behind his back – he has people who have a job to tell him about that too. If you aren’t sure about something, he will help you then tell the other girls how great he is for showing you the correct way. Never ask a stupid question to this Boss while he is working, you will be mistaking his kindness for tolerance ….expect to be fired when he has a second. The girls working for him will always look polished, and for some unknown reason these workers through osmosis of the gay boss become just as bitchy. Expect most weekends off and great dinners.
This shop will always succeed unless he becomes bored with it and wants to move to Florence with his partner he met online.
BOSS THREE The I don’t Give a Shit what You Do
This Boss has been working behind the chair for many moons, and has seen many hairdressers come and go. They do not care about new products or new adventurous avenues in the hair world. This Boss does not care what you do because her shop is paid off and they gave up long ago on the thought that a team was forever. They do not want to hear your input into how the shop could work more efficiently because frankly they don’t care anymore. If you work for this Boss keep low and out of the way, just do your work and go home. The girls working in this shop go about their business and W O R K. They do not care about you and your surgery you had last week.
This shop will do well because the girls JUST WORK.
BOSS FOUR The Unicorn Boss
The perfect Boss is the Goldie locks of all Bosses. The perfect boss offers you reasonable booth rent, or commission rates. The shop is always clean and you have TONS of space for your work gear. The girls/ Guys are supportive of your work and although nice, they can be harsh. The perfect boss will always care about your cramps and won’t fire you for asking stupid questions. The down side to this boss is he/she only has a limited amount of space and you will never be able to work for her because her hairdresser’s are what I call LIFER’S; they never leave. Your only hope is that someone gets pregnant so you can take over their chair.
This shop will carry on for as long as it can or until the boss gets sick of the same girls because even he/she secretly hopes one of them will move on- but they don’t.
BOSS FIVE The Bat Shit Crazy
You’ve all wanted to know IF YOU are THAT Boss? Well, pull out your pen for the checklist. Let’s see if you’re a Bat Shit winner.
The Bat Shit Boss is not as easy to spot, as you would think. Especially if they are pretty/handsome. These Bosses can hide CRAZY like an Easter egg.
1.) DO you make promises and not keep them?
2.) DO you secretly cause chaos because you’re bored?
3.) DO you refuse to learn from your color mistakes?
4.) DO you act as if you know what you’re doing?
5.) DO you charge your girls/guys too much booth rent because you can?
6.) DO you not offer advertising for your booth renters?
7.) DO you not pay attention to the yelp complaints?
8.) DO you spray paint clients cars because they DID Yelp you?
9.) Do you flatten tires for fun?
10.) DO you get drunk, dance on tables?
11.) DO you have to drive a moped to work?
12.) Do you report to a parole officer?
13.) Do animals generally hate you and vice versa?
11.) DO you know everyone around you is crazy too?
This shop will slowly crumble from it’s own destruction.
Well then, I suppose if you did not know you were CRAZY – you do now.
If you do end up working for this BOSS and you want OUT. Best to just say you’re moving, or your allergic to crazy… oops, don’t say that—they’ll fight you; say products ok say you’re allergic to the products and your quitting the business. It’ll be safer this way.
Well, I hope I have helped you out in some small way, or even put a smile on your face. I’m sure I’ve had all my bosses checking up on my list but truth is – I have adored all of them except the stupid one. Until the next blog of confessions, I wish you all a good day!
Salon Owner and Silly knowledge consultant
Heather Lea
whackedadventures.com 